Categories
Christianity Marriage Relationship

GOOD COMMUNICATION IN A RELATIONSHIP

INTRODUCTION

By definition, communication is the transfer of information from one place or person to another. Meanwhile in relationships, communication allows to you explain to someone else what you are experiencing and what your needs are. The act of communicating not only helps to meet your needs, but it also helps you to express yourself and get connected in your relationship.
Clear communication in relationship involves talking to each other. No matter how well you know and love each other, you cannot read your partner’s mind. We need to communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings that may cause hurt, anger, resentment or confusion.
It takes two people to have a relationship and each person has different communication needs and styles. Couples need to find a way of communicating that suits their marriage engaged singles needs to find their own too. Healthy communication styles require practice and hard work. Communication will never be perfect all the time. Be clear when communicating with your partner, so that your message can be received and understood. Also ensure you double check your understanding of what your partner is saying.
When you talk to your partner, try to set aside time to talk without interruption from other people or distractions like phones, computers or television think about what you want to say be clear with what you want to communicate, make your message clear, so that your partner hears it accurately and understands what you mean, talk about what is happening and how it affects you, talk about what you want, need and feel – use ‘I’ statements such as ‘I need’, ‘I want’ and ‘I feel’, accept responsibility for your own feelings listen to your partner. Put aside your own thoughts for the time being and try to understand their intentions, feelings, needs and wants (this is called empathy) which means you should not understand them with what you have in mind but actually what they meant, share positive feelings with your partner, such as what you appreciate and admire about them, and how important they are to you, be aware of your tone of voice, negotiate and remember that you don’t have to be right all the time. If the issue you are having is not that important, try to let the issue go, or agree to disagree.

8 TIPS FOR EFFECTIVE LISTENING IN RELATIONSHIP
Listening is a very important part of effective communication. A good listener can encourage their partner to talk openly and honestly. Tips for good listening include:
i. Keep comfortable eye contact (where culturally appropriate)
ii. Lean towards the other person and make gestures to show interest and concern
iii. Have an open, non-defensive, fairly relaxed posture with your arms and legs uncrossed
iv. Face the other person – don’t sit or stand sideways
v. Sit or stand on the same level to avoid looking up to or down on the other person
vi. Avoid distracting gestures such as fidgeting with a pen, glancing at papers, or tapping your feet or fingers
vii. Be aware that physical barriers, noise or interruptions will make good communication difficult.
viii. Mute telephones or other communication devices to ensure you are really listening

13 TIPS FOR MANAGING CONFLICTS
Tips for how to manage conflict with communication include:
i. Avoid using the silent treatment.
ii. Don’t jump to conclusions. Find out all the facts rather than guessing at motives.
iii. Discuss what actually happened. Don’t judge.
iv. Learn to understand each other, not to defeat each other.
v. Talk using the future and present tense, not the past tense.
vi. Concentrate on the major problem, and don’t get distracted by other minor problems.
vii. Talk about the problems that hurt your or your partner’s feelings, then move on to problems about differences in opinions. Use ‘I feel’ statements, not ‘You are’ statements.
viii. Let the other person speak without interruption
ix. Show genuine attention and interest
x. Use assertive statements like ‘I feel …. about …’, ‘What I need is …’
xi. Be aware of your tone
xii. Be prepared to take time out if you are feeling really angry about something. It might be better to calm down before you address the issue
xiii. Ask for feedback on your listening from the other person.

6 TIPS FOR IMPROVING COMMUNICATION IN A RELATIONSHIP
Open and clear communication can be learnt. Some people find it hard to talk and may need time and encouragement to express their views. These people may be good listeners, or they may be people whose actions speak louder than their words. You can help to improve your communication by building companionship like sharing experiences, interests and concerns with your partner, and showing affection and appreciation.
Intimacy is not only a sexual connection. Intimacy is created by having moments of feeling close and attached to your partner. It means being able to comfort and be comforted, and to be open and honest. An act of intimacy can be as simple as bringing your partner a cup of tea because you can tell they are tired, finding one or two key issues you can agree on, such as how finances are distributed, a goal you have, or your parenting styles or strategies.
•To improve the way you communicate, start by asking questions such as:
i. What things cause conflict between you and your partner? Are they because you are not listening to each other?
ii. What things bring you happiness and feelings of connection?
iii. What things cause you disappointment and pain?
iv. What things don’t you talk about and what stops you talking about them?
v. How would you like your communication with your partner to be different?
vi. If possible, ask these questions with your partner and share your responses. Consider, and try, ways to communicate differently. See whether the results improve your communication.
When you are more aware of how you communicate, you will be able to have more control over what happens between you. While it may not be easy at first, opening up new areas of communication can lead to a more fulfilling relationship.

SEEKING HELP FOR COMMUNICATION ISSUES
If you can’t seem to improve the communication in your relationship, consider talking with a relationship counsellor. Counsellors are trained to recognise the patterns in a couple’s communication that are causing problems and to help change those patterns, as well as providing strategies, tips and a safe place to explore issues.
You could also consider doing a course that is relevant to your relationship. It is better to act early and talk to someone about your relationship.

Therefore, a good communication is an important part of all relationships and is an essential part of any healthy partnership. All relationships have ups and downs, but a healthy communication style can make it easier to deal with conflict and build a stronger and healthier partnership. We often hear how important communication is, but not what it is and how we can use good communication in our relationships. Use this as a guide in your relationship or marriage and you will be marveled at the wonderful turnaround you will experience and peace that will surface in your relationship and home.
Shalom.

For enquires, prayers and counseling: 08038261313 or 09053552898

Like our Facebook page on: http://www.facebook.com/mycounsel17/

Join our Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/211030122985619/

Instagram: mycounsel17

Twitter: mycounselteam

Email: mycounsel17@gmail.com

Website: http://www.mycounsel.wordpress.com

Categories
Christianity Marriage purpose Relationship

MARRIAGE AND IT PURPOSEs

Marriage is the formal union, social and legal contract between two individuals that accept to unite their lives legally, economically, and emotionally.

Marriage can also be said to be the intimate union and equal partnership of a man and a woman. It comes to us from the hand of God, who created male and female in his image, so that they might become one body and might be fertile and multiply (See Genesis chapters 1 and 2).

Though man and woman are equal as God’s children, they are created with important differences that allow them to give themselves and to receive the other as a gift.
Ephesians 5:25-33. In every marriage the spouses make a contract with each other. In a sacramental marriage the couple also enters into a covenant in which their love is sealed and strengthened by God’s love.

The free consent of the spouses makes a marriage. From this consent and from the sexual consummation of marriage a special bond arises between husband and wife. This bond is lifelong and exclusive. The marriage bond has been established by God and so it cannot be dissolved.

Permanency, exclusivity, and faithfulness are essential to marriage because they foster and protect the two equal purposes of marriage. These two purposes are growth in mutual love between the spouses (unitive) and the generation and education of children (procreative).

The mutual love of a married couple should always be open to new life. This openness is expressed powerfully in the sexual union of husband and wife. The power to create a child with God is at the heart of what spouses share with each other in sexual intercourse.

The family arises from marriage. Parents, children, and family members form what is called a domestic church or church of the home. This is the primary unit of the Church – the place where the Church lives in the daily love, care, hospitality, sacrifice, forgiveness, prayer and faith of ordinary family.

Purpose is the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.

As you journey through marriage together, you want to grow in your love for each other, to experience life fully, and to be truly one. But what seemed so effortless as an engaged in relationship may now be an elusive dream. That’s why you need to understand God’s blueprints — His purposes for marriage.

These three purposes will give your marriage a sense of direction, internal stability, and the stamp of God’s design. They will lift your marriage above the everyday, run-of-the-mill relationship and place it on a high and lofty spiritual plane.

Let’s consider three purpose here;

Mirror God’s image
After God created the earth and the animals, He said, “Let us make man in our own image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” The account continues, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:26-27).

God’s first purpose for creating man and woman and joining them in marriage was to mirror His image on earth. Center your attention on those words, mirror His image. The Hebrew word for “mirror” means to reflect God, to magnify, exalt, and glorify Him. Your marriage should reflect God’s image to a world that desperately needs to see who He is. Because we’re created in the image of God, people who wouldn’t otherwise know what God is like should be able to look at us and get a glimpse.

Completing each other and experience companionship Scripture clearly outlines a second purpose for marriage: to mutually complete each other. That’s why God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18).

God thinks Adam should have someone that looks like him in the garden, and so God created woman to eliminate not having someone like him. Writing to the first-century church in Corinth, Paul echoed the teachings in Genesis 2 when he asserted, “However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman” (1 Corinthians 11:11).

I was convinced that Barbara was “the one,” because I sensed that she could complete me as well as be a wonderful companion. Now, many years later, I really understand how much I need her. The two of us are like a computer and software. Standing alone, the computer and software are impressive, but combined as a team, they can accomplish so much more! And that’s exactly what God had in mind when He performed the first marriage with an original groom and bride named Adam and Eve.

You need each other. You recognize that now. But if you build your marriage according to God’s blueprints, as the years go by, you will really appreciate the genius of how God has custom-made your mate for you.

Multiply a godly legacy
A line of godly descendants — your children — will carry a reflection of God’s character to the next generation. Your plans for children may still be in the future, but if He gives you a child, you will be in for an amazing adventure.

God’s original plan called for the home to be a sort of greenhouse a nurturing place where children grow up to learn character, values, and integrity. Too many couples today seem to be raising their children without a sense of mission and direction. They aren’t imparting to them the importance of leaving a spiritual legacy of changed lives. They aren’t evaluating their lives in light of the Great Commission of Matthew 28:18-20, where Christ commands us to preach the gospel to all nations.

One of your assignments is to impart a sense of destiny, a spiritual mission, to your children. Your responsibility as couple is to make your home a place where your children learn what it means to love and obey God. Your home should be a training center to equip your children to look at the needs of people and the world through the eyes of Jesus Christ. If children do not embrace this spiritual mission as they grow up, they may live their entire lives without experiencing the privilege of God using them in a significant way.

Your marriage is far more important than you may have ever imagined because it affects God’s reputation on this planet. That’s why it’s essential for you to set Jesus Christ apart as the builder of your home.

In conclusion, wait first and understand why God really made Eve from the rip of Adam because when the purpose of a thing is not known abuse is inevitable.

Understanding purpose should come first before marriage so that you can plan ahead of your marriage what you want and what you don’t want, you plan ahead of how to handle some changes in marriage. In the book of Genesis God planned before creating man and woman. When a man fail to plan then he is planning to fail.

How can you learn know about this purpose? The first place is in the scriptures which is the manual made by the one who manufacture marriage, then read good books on marriage, go to seminars and read good articles like this to equip yourself and expand your knowledge about marriage.

When a man miss it in marriage, he can miss it in life and even eternity. May you not miss it in Jesus name. Amen

Thank you for reading through, likes, comments and sharing!

Written by: Inioluwa Eniola
Edited by: Daniel Olutola

For enquires, prayers and counseling: 08038261313 or 09053552898

Like our Facebook page on: http://www.facebook.com/mycounsel17/

Join our Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/211030122985619/

Instagram: mycounsel17

Twitter: mycounselteam

Email: mycounsel17@gmail.com

Website: http://www.mycounsel.wordpress.com

Categories
Christianity Marriage purpose Relationship wisdom

MY OFFER: Money or Purpose

In the beginning God created heaven and earth and on the sixth day he created man in his image and then he went to rest. The major duty the man was charged with is to till the ground, nourish it and secure it! But then after a while of visit into the garden God observed Adam is not complete not because he was lonely but because he was alone, there is nothing in the garden that looks like him and they can interact when God does not come visiting. Then he created a woman to be his help meet. Don’t forget it was Adam that give her that name because she looks like him.

Never forget at the point of creating and pressing Eve to Adam God never explicitly say what the role of Adam is to Eve but we can infer that he is still expected to guide her and nurture her as was expected of him to do for the garden!

But what is the erroneous idea going on in the social space now where some call themselves stingy men association, some says they are spender association and all sort?

If you are stingy, you are stingy for your life. Who told you serious and virtuous ladies are looking for your money? What makes you think it’s only when you contribute money to her life you should be called a man or be said to be in relationship with her?

Ogbeni stingy men if all that makes sense to you and you think all a lady want is your money then you are playing a game you will end up loosing because the moment someone else can spend more than you then you lost her automatically!

When a seed is planted the farmer water it, add fertilizer and uproot the weeds at intervals so they won’t destroy the produce, that’s nurturing. Don’t forget the right land have to be found first before planting.

Your duty as a male going into relationship is to nurture her.

And the first thing is to find the lady with fertile land. A lady that all she knows from the first day is how to shop or go to eatery is not a fertile land, you will just waste your seed and efforts!

The second thing is to find the appropriate seed for the land, it’s not every seed that can be planted on a land meaning you should help her determine her purpose if she hasn’t done so.

Thirdly, you need to water and add fertilizer with your encouragement and support. Don’t be the one telling her she will fail, is your brain not telling you that if she fail then you are the greatest failure? Rather help her to see things in reality sense, she can be emotional in making decisions but give her courage to make the right decisions even when it’s not emotionally right.

Lastly, uproot the weeds that can make her dreams fail or die. You need to scold her like a brother at times, direct her like a father at times and listen to her like a son at times but when you observe her doing things that can be a stumbling block be firm in correcting her in love.

In that process even if you have to do shopping or go to eateries to relax you are sure it’s not the ultimate thing but the reality is money alone is not what you should offer in that relationship!

And it surprises me that in response to some men insensitive and absence of deep thinking some ladies also come out with stingy women association and what they can be stingy about is their underworld! If that’s it how are you different from sex workers?

If all you can offer anytime you enter relationship is what you have under then you will soon become useless because men as I know usually like to explore new things and underworld inclusive. Meaning he can be through with yours anytime soon and get a fresh one to explore. What will be your fate then?

Maybe you don’t know your purpose as a woman, let you tell you. When God made up his mind to create someone like Adam it was planned she will be an help meet! Meaning to assist Adam in what he has been doing on the field and not coming to just eat everything he has worked for.

This connotes that if you don’t just want to be valued based on how you perform when your back is down then you must have value to add. What are the values?

First, you must be able to discern if the man really have destination and then if he is thinking of how to get there. There is nothing you are doing with a man that doesn’t have destination because you are supposed to assist him in getting there and not determining destination for him.

Someone might ask, if he can guide me to know my purpose why can’t I do the same. It’s a good question. They usually say Yoruba people always answer question with another question, pardon me I will use that approach again to prove it is true. Can a new recruit guide a general on how to plan assault on enemy or it’s the general that can help the new recruit to know what to do to stay alive? Your sincere response should be instructive enough.

Secondly, he now has destination but not sure of the best route to take, then you as the help meet should help him to evaluate various options available and come up together on best route to take to achieve the best from the planned destination.

Thirdly, climbing ladder of success is not hard they say, staying there is the most challenging! Then you should start planning things to do in helping him remain successful in what he is doing because it’s all for the celebration of you both.

In conclusion, I hope you can see now that it’s a great ridicule for men to think all they have to offer in a relationship is money and for ladies to have the mentality that it’s only their underworld that can secure a relationship for them. With all sincerity both have proven to be ineffective from experience of people and their testimonies over the years.

You know I heard of someone who got married because he and his girl don’t want to have sex outside wedlock but just because the lady is away from where the man is he said he is not marrying her again and he wants to marry someone else! You see that the foundation is wrong? Such men have extra marital affairs because they found other ladies that looks more appealing and such ladies who are after money have extra marital affairs even after they marry if they found another man who is richer or even if not richer but spend more on them.

Please be careful, don’t make wrong decisions at the early stage of your life that may mar your life. May you not miss it in Jesus name. Amen

My question to you today is WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO OFFER?

For enquires, prayers and counseling: 08038261313 or 09053552898

Like our Facebook page on: http://www.facebook.com/mycounsel17/

Join our Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/211030122985619/

Instagram: mycounsel17

Twitter: mycounselteam

Email: mycounsel17@gmail.com

Website: http://www.mycounsel.wordpress.com

Categories
Christianity Marriage Relationship

GOD AS A MATCHMAKER 4

I am happy with the various messages on the last 3 episodes on this topic and further discussions behind the scene. They have equipped me with more knowledge from the elderly. That is why I didn’t post this last episode yesterday because I was learning too. Never forget that this is the last episode for the topic and I will love to hear from us again. Let’s begin!

A WOMAN PREPARED FOR MARRIAGE

In the last episode we are able to agree that the main role of the man in the house is headship and today we will learn that of a woman is helping! Not like the vice presidents or deputy governors o but the active one that will be engaging and involved!

We will be considering 12 ways a lady can be preparing for the man match God is preparing for her.

1. Prepare to be a helper Gen. 2:18
I don’t know if some people won’t be happy with this point or want to argue but it’s not human plan but as arranged by God.

You might not know yet if the man will be a pastor so you can begin to learn how to be pastor Mrs. or if he will be a singer so you can learn how to back up or if he will be a busy business man so you can learn how to stay at home or if he will be someone that work from home so you can learn how to make things convenient for him. So how can you know the right preparation to make?

It’s in the scriptures! Prov. 31 woman! The woman who strengthen the weakness of his man. The one who give to him his due respect and love. The one who represents him well and doesn’t make fool of him.

Do not misquote me. Am not saying been a slave or maid or used cargo but rather the woman who is ready to support his man in all situation, who is not carried away by the present but can see into the future and see it come into reality.

Let me hang that there for now.

2. Cultivate relationship with the Lord Rom. 12:2

As said concerning the men if God see they are not ready for the headship of a home he won’t hand over his daughter to them likewise if God see that you are not ready to help he won’t reveal you to his son.

Meanwhile, the way you can learn to help others is by having constant fellowship with God. You must learn to be in consistent talk with God so he can speak with you and direct you on what to do and when to do it.

By the time you do this persistently he will reveal to you what to prepare about which will be useful to help your partner when he shows up and you will be well placed to help him as was planned by God.

3. Cultivate commitment and loyalty

You need to learn how to be committed to something! You start a mini business and it’s not doing fine you drop it, you will be used to that and take same idea to relationship or marriage. Don’t be surprised if might take long before God will show you to any of his sons!

Learn to be committed to something. I know you already have very bad experiences and you think everyone in the world is evil maybe except only you but believe me there are many more good people, your ways of doing things have just not given you the ability to find one and if you keep on the believe you might not.

Learn to be committed to any small thing in your hand and when you master it you will be well placed for any son God believes is best suit for your life journey and destiny because even with the fact that he is from God won’t mean everything will be smooth automatically. You have to adjust here and there and reposition yourself to make the union work.

You are with the guy doing all he could to make you comfortable but because another one with better stand come you jump to it. How can you expect God to match you with his son when you are not showing seriousness even in your attitude? Relationship is all about coping with one thing or the other and those who can’t be loyal to one can’t stay long in it.

4. Cultivate your self-esteem
You need to know your worth. You should not just accept anything. You should not endure a toxic relationship. If you have done everything well God will give you his son and those that give you headache can’t be a son of God.

This is not about he is a pastors or when he sing like this heaven will open and you will be looking at God or when he teach the word like this it will be like they open your head to put it inside. Those are very good gift from God but might not be automatic identifier of who is the son of God!

If you are melting in your seat because any guy is speaking with you then you don’t know your worth yet. If you are enduring relationship and you are finding excuse for him I won’t cry if they announce your death because you simple commit suicide. This should not turn to pride but you should not settle for anything below what Christ has for you and it’s not death in the hand of any man!

5. Be willing to learn

Some ladies are too full of themselves. Try to correct them and I can bet you will hear the story you never think exist! They will word you that you will think it’s not God that create you. I wonder how these ladies can survive in a relationship to be matched by God!

Nobody can survive in any kind of relationship even business type if they are not willing to learn from the other parties. The moment you conceive the idea of relationship you must understand shifting ground is a follow come except you are not serious yet.

Be willing to be corrected and learn from those who exhibit positive and Godly life styles in your life. Emulate their ways of doing things and taking that to relationship or marriage will give your higher pedestal to have successfully home.

6. Be willing to serve Luke 16:10-12

The first point was that you should be ready to help but helping comes with serving those you want to help. Therefore it is important you begin to volunteer yourself to serve at different capacities now. Serve in the church as a worker in any department God gives you the grace and be diligent with it. Also in different groups or association of people find a place you can be of service because with that you would have understood different things embedded in serving others and will be easier for you when you are finally matched by God.

I know you like me and my husband style but don’t use that to make enemy of your husband family, it can backfire later. Give them their respect and serve them when required too because the moment you engage with your man you have taken his family along. Never try to drop them.

7. Be willing to adjust 1 Cor. 11:3

You are both coming into the union with different ideology which has been shaped by family, society, lifestyle, exposure and many other things.

The man too have to adjust but believe me the helper need to be ready for bigger adjustments. Be ready to shift grounds in some important issues. He might be the type that sleep late and doesn’t wake on time but you are the opposite, you must understand that and make provisions for him. Don’t say the best way he can be romantic is to wake you to breakfast. It might not work for him.

Once you finish cooking in your parent house everyone just eat either cold or hot but here he comes with his food muat be hot then look for now to make that possible. There are various kitchen materials that can make that possible but the point is you should be ready to adjust and drop your rigidity and idea of that’s how we do it!

8. Learn to pray and intercede for others Eph. 6:18-19

One of the important duties expected of you as a helper is to pray for your partner but it won’t just come by magic which means you should learn how to intercede for others before you enter the relationship. It might be a family friend passing through hard times or expect something important or a friend looking unto God for something or any other person or things that only God has an answer to.

This will strengthen you and equip you ahead for the man you will be helping and you will be looked up to be his intercessor when he needs it most and you will be able to help him overcome different challenges he might encounter in the journey of life.

The power of a praying wife can’t be overemphasized. Build yourself to be that woman his man can bring issues to and will tell him to relax and in no time things will begin to happen.

9. Learn proper care of your body

Am sure many ladies are very conscious of their body but let me point out few points. Bleaching is dangerous to your body and health in totality. Have sense, those hyping you won’t be there when your body begin to peel like banana. Be yourself, no matter how some complain about your natural look some are also admiring you. You might not want to believe it but sincerely it’s the truth.

There was a girl whom I know when she was little she was so looking unlikable because of her physical look but in about some years time the turn around was unbelievable! If you doubt me search for the pictures of those admired beautiful individuals in about 10 years ago then you will be amazed that you have hope. Don’t be pushed to run your life wrongly.

Also important is how you wash your private area! There is a washing machine (discharge) God has put there to clean things out for you but you still need to clean the outer part but please not with any kind of soap or sponge. Simply use warm water to clean it and you will be okay. Am sure many ladies are aware of this fact but am saying it again for those who doesn’t really know yet.

No matter how beautiful you are if you don’t know how to take care of your body then even if the man love you from heaven to earth he will be having a rethink at times. So keep yourself clean all the time.

10. Observe behavior of wife’s in exemplary marriages

Some singles are busy learning from their friends who have entered relationship without involving God, what result did you expect? And some ladies move with ladies who have divorced their husband, I wonder what you want her to tell you. They will keep telling you how your relationship or home will never work.

Instead you need to learn from women who have had successfully marriage to tell you how they have been able to managed their home. Am sure they will tell you million reasons they should have left their home but more million reasons they have chose to remain in the marriage. Believe me you will learn things you can’t find on Google and you will know what marriage will require from you and if you know you can’t give it then don’t bother yourself to enter it.

11. Trust God. Be will to wait

I don’t know your age o and I don’t know the number of heartbreak you already have but am happy to tell you that you need to learn how to wait on God purpose and plan for you. If you can’t wait or you belief God is getting late already then you might not be sure of getting the best because it won’t be from him.

Remember his plans for you is great and it’s to give you hope and expected end and his ways are not your way and his plans are not your plan. Therefore, learn to wait for him and in that time be building yourself so you can fit into his plan for your life and marriage.

He will remember you when it will be most glorious and fulfill his purpose for your life.

12. Set your priorities

You need to prioritize your life journey. Don’t just live life as it comes so the wind of life won’t swing you away rather be like an eagle who had plan and face the storms of life headlong and use the storm to fly more swiftly and with less struggle.

Your life is important to God but you must take some decisions on your life to key with plans of God because it’s your responsibility to do so and when you refuse to do it you have allowed a void which might result in hazard sooner or later.

Glory to God for taking us to the end of this series and we have been able to understand that for God to match a man with his daughter he must be his son also and vice versa and both man and woman has a role to play to make things work out and have a glorious home.

Thanks to everyone for reading through. I understand the message is long but if you don’t read it all but merely click like then the message has not achieved it purpose which is for you to learn and improve on yourself.

Will be back with you for more messages from the throne of grace. Keep your fingers crossed. Thanks once again

Endeavour to share the episodes to groups and pages, friends and families.

Categories
Christianity Marriage Relationship

GOD AS A MATCHMAKER 3

Welcome back to the 3rd episode of the series. We have been able to understand the attitude and actions expected of the individuals who expect themselves to be matched with their destined partner.

In today’s episode we shall be learning about the kind of man prepared for marriage. It is common belief that once a man graduate and maybe get a stead paying job then the next thing is marriage. A man who has those attributes but not married is always asked series of questions by family, friends and all kinds of people we come across!

But then I asked myself are those the major attributes to be qualified to get married or have a home. Some research I have done have shown they are very important but if something is missing then it will be futility and can lead to frustration in the family.

What is that thing I am talking about? HEADSHIP.

When Adam was created the primary responsibility he has is to oversee everything in the garden, that’s headship! Meanwhile, nobody can become head without sound leadership skills! Leadership skills can’t be complete if love is missing! That is why Christ charge the husband to love their wive as Christ love the church!

The headship of the man to the house is derived from God been an head to Jesus Christ and Christ been an head to the man and man an head to the house which comprise the wife and children. Therefore, for the man to master his headship skill well enough he must be connected with Jesus Christ which is the way, the truth and the light to God destination! A man that isn’t connected with Christ might find it really hard to have enough skill of headship which should bee used to guide the house properly.

Do not forget I linked in the previous paragraph love to headship and remember Christ is love. What am trying to make us understand is the fact that for a man to practice this headship proficiently he must be connected with Jesus Christ. Because he is expected to be Christ for his family and to do that he must learn from the Christ himself.

Never forget the fact that Christ is love and for an head to be successful he must have love in him. Let’s look at some of the attributes of love which should be exhibited by the man prepared for marriage;

TENDER:
Love is tender of I should say real love because it seems the value has been watered down in the current century we found ourselves.

He should be ready to shift ground. Some people are just full of themselves, nobody can correct them. Even if they are entering pit and light of knowledge from anyone shine to them they will rather go on in that path unless they learn from their own mistakes.

Hello my brothers, kulu kulu temper. Be calm with your lady please. I understand she might be annoying, frustrating, disturbing and do many things I might not have understanding about but be calm and correct her with love. There is no way a lady can be hot tempered but you just remain calm in fact a sensible one will think by herself and adjust. Therefore, be calm. Thanks

Hello my sisters, if you are with such man and is so adamant to change, I don’t know what you should do o but am thinking you should dust your sandal or slippers and run so you won’t enter military zone when you say you do. Don’t do what you will regret o! Thanks

SELF-GIVING Eph. 5:25:

Love will give himself or itself to others even if they don’t deserve it! It is that not what Christ did? While we are yet sinners. While we are due to be punished. While we have been condemned to death. While we have no hope again. Christ die for us!

Wait o, am not saying the young man should die for you or that you should die for the lady o. What am saying is he should be sacrificial in nature. Even when it’s most difficult to give something he should do it out of love and never been to recount it.

Dear brother, you need to be willing to sacrifice for the lady. She is planning to leave his parent and cliff with you and most likely change the name he has been using for years before ever thinking of you or knowing you. If you think she doesn’t deserve your sacrificial love please let her be and be on your lane. I won’t say more than that.

Dear sisters, if he is untouchable and unapproachable about issues think deeply. Sacrificial am saying is not that you request for irrelevant things like asking someone earning meagre amount to give you money monthly by force o. You are not in milking business o. Be reasonable. Thanks

TEACHER Eph. 5:25-26, 6:4

Love share from what he has including knowledge and here I am referring to knowledge of the word of God. But what if he doesn’t even know himself? Casala bust niyen o.

I said earlier that Christ is love and the knowledge we are talking about here is him which is the word of God. Therefore, if the man doesn’t have the knowledge of the word then he can’t understand the love which he should teach his family.

Dear brother, am happy you are thinking about marriage but have you got the knowledge required to run the house with love? If a person preparing for examination refuses to get knowledge about the content then failure is inevitable. They said those who fail to prepare has prepared to fail. I don’t want you to fail my brother but go and get the required knowledge from the manual!

Dear sister, if you see that he doesn’t have the knowledge encourage him to get it and understand it. I didn’t say you should force him o. If he doesn’t show interest then am sure you haven’t forget what I told you few paragraphs above. I won’t say more than that!

Since a man has been given the headship duty of the family then let’s understand three functions expected from him.

RECEIVING ADVICE
A house should be a form of government since every nation begins with a family. Therefore, as head the man should allow other members of the family have input in every matter of importance in the family.

The man should be the president, wife vice president and children minister of the cabinet. He should allow them say their mind on every matter of concern in the house.

However, I have seen some family where the man is “alpha and omega”. Even the wife has no say on anything in the family and they call themselves Christians o. I wonder if they even study the manual handed over to us by God.

Maybe they think God has weak when he said let us come and make man in our own image! He wasn’t weak for their information but he understands the power of two or more good heads because it can bring about most rewarding result.

No wonder some family just remain down there. If you are the man and you think your wife is not brilliant enough to say anything good that can help or the children are too inexperienced let me just charge you try this method for six months and let me know how your home has become.

Have a rethink and you will be surprised the paradigm shift you will see in your home.

DECISION MAKINGS
If you have work on the first function and you have gathered every point by the wife and children. Some are likely not to be so good to achieve the best results but when you sieve all the counsels then you should be able to make good decision.

Don’t say my trouble is too much o but it’s important I let you know the knowledge you need to make right decision is also in the Bible. You just need to read it very well so you can have right guide in decision making.

GIVING DIRECTIONS
Then next thing is to assign duties to different individuals including yourself! The best way a leader can really encourage people to do things is to begin it themselves.

Don’t just control your wife and children like they are you slaves except there is a reason for such exemption. It is also important you are considerate with how you relate them so they could join your effort and make things work out fine.

Thanks to everyone following this series. Your private messages is appreciated. The series will be concluded tomorrow by looking at things a woman preparing for marriage should be aware of. Don’t miss it.

Feel free to share the message to groups, pages, family and friends.

Categories
Christianity Marriage Relationship

GOD AS A MATCHMAKER 2

I discussed on four attitudes we should check as a child of God waiting to be matched with his son or daughter. After these attitudes have been mastered then we are to follow the following steps for us to have full connection with the one who God has prepared for us.

The guideline to follow are eight IN number and they are as follows;
1. Let the word of God be a lamp for you (Psalm 119:105)

2. Fellowship with God (1 John 1:7)

3. Be led (Romans 8:14)

4. Guide your heart (Proverb 4:23)

5. Be prepared to wait (Isaiah 64:4, 1 Peter 1:6-7)

6. Be prepared for death and resurrection (John 12:24)

7. Seek for advice (Proverb 12:15, 15:15)

8. Only God give the gift and it’s a favour (Proverb 19:14, 18:22)

1. Let the word of God be a lamp for you

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Psalms 119:105

Light is what give eyes the ability to know where to move to and where to go. No matter how smart someone is once there is darkness their orientation is scattered.

Some will say even if they off light they can work without been injured but am sure that’s if it’s the place they are familiar with but I doubt anyone knows the road of marriage ahead which means they need something to direct them.

Word of God is the light, store it in your life and let it guide all your steps in life, marriage inclusive. It’s the best manual we can go back to on how to live life right all the times.

When the word of God dwell in your heart then it light your path until you get to right destination. The way might be rough but be sure you will get there safe.

2. Fellowship with God

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. 1 John 1:7

You need to know how to fellowship with God consistently. Maybe you wanted to say your day is always fixed up but you can still fellowship with him in your heart and with your actions and attitudes.

Communicate with him all the time irrespective of where you found yourself. Any small opportunity you found yourself should be in fellowship with God.

Why did you need to do this? It makes you because closer to God and you will be able to get familiar and relate with him better. Getting familiar doesn’t mean becoming complacent and not according him his rightful place in your life. When you do this it will help you also know his plans for you so you won’t make mistakes you won’t be able to adjust.

Have a constant fellowship with the father and your life will be set right with him.

3 Be led

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. Romans 8:14

For you to be matched with the right partner from God you must be his son because he will want to match you with his daughter and for you to be his son you must be led and for you to be led you must be filled with his Spirit.

Therefore, it is essential you are filled with the spirit of God and be led. Using head knowledge can be dangerous in taking this important life decision.

However, it is important to know that been led can be different from one person to the other. So don’t carry it in your head that until you see yourself in a dream helping the brother draw water then you are not yet led. It’s a deceit!

Some of course might see vision, some still voice of the Spirit and some will just be peace in their heart which can be a sign of been led. That is why you need to have fellowship with God which will help you know how he relate with you before hand and make it easy for you when he speaks about your match.

Listen to be led by who knows the way so you won’t get lost in the path you never go.

4. Guide your heart

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

The scriptures also says from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks!

These verses shows that what you allow to occupy your heart determines what you do and how you conduct your life.

Don’t expect nollyhood kind of relationship because it might just be a fantasy which is not likely to be real for everyone. Be real with your life.

As a man don’t entice a lady with many goodies so she could fall for you if you can’t continue because once you stop and another person provide same then you are gone.

And to the ladies don’t say all these guys are asking for sex and am getting older let me give jare so I can settle with this one. Believe me once he see someone that can give him more he can run off you. Sex is most of the times very desirable by a man but can never keep a man.

Do not nurture irrelevant thought and expectations from who should be your spouse. I used to say if what is in your mind is what you want in your partner then it’s better you take your own clay and create one for yourself!

Be realistic with life, don’t be too hard on yourself!

5. Be prepared to wait Isaiah 64:4

You need to learn to wait. If you expect something and you see it immediately so what’s the meaning of having faith? The test of faith is ability to wait until when God does it.

And it is important to know that he is never late. Some get rich as young age but doesn’t live long while others get rich at old age and still enjoy it for long. Some married young but had no child for 20 years and some married late and gave birth immediately.

We need to understand that what happens to individual have been planned by God and any trial to tamper with that can cause serious trouble, frustration and disappointment in life.

Wait for God because those who wait for him never miss the best!

6. Be prepare for death and resurrection John 12:24

Some attitude, behaviour and beliefs you have must die and new behavior be born if you want to have a successful relationship and marriage from the partner God has for you.

7. Seek for advice Prov. 12:15

I know you are smart, graduate, possibly you even have PhD but you can’t throw experience away by people. Yoruba adage said what a young person climb tree and couldn’t see an elderly person will see it while sitting.

Elderly here is not about age but those who have gone ahead of you in this regard. It will give you insight on things you ought to know and do.

8. It’s a gift and favour Prov. 19:14

You need to know that having the right match from God is a gift and favour. It’s not because you merit it but because he has mercy on you. Therefore, constantly seek for his mercy to receive his favour.

If you have had relationship with him it will be easier to receive the favour of receiving his son or daughter.

This teaching has taught us that for God to match us rightly with his son or daughter then we must exhibit those four attitudes then follow the eight guidelines that has been discussed. May his mercy be upon us and grant us the grace to receive his favour in the name of Jesus. Amen

Thank you for your time on my long messages. May the Lord be with you all. Amen

There are two more parts to complete the teaching. Read the second series as we take the third session. Remain blessed

Categories
Christianity Marriage Relationship

GOD AS A MATCHMAKER 1

I was listening to a radio program some days ago and the ladies call in to tell the presenter the kind of man they want and later the men will call to say which of the ladies they have interest in. This is matchmaking in world perspective.

There are some basic things here which follows how God also make people come in contact with each other. Only people with similar interests are matched together!

No matter how knowledgeable animal scientists are they won’t cross breed goat and sheep!

Getting a partner isn’t a very simple step to take in life and we can’t but go to the one who established the idea of marriage which is God!

But note that God can’t just match anyone with the other except some attributes have been seen in both. There are some attitudes which an individual must exhibit and actions that must follow the attitude before God can make the right match of two individuals!

Let’s look at four attitudes which is expected of those to be matched rightly!

1. Attitude towards Marriage! Eph. 5:25-32

The meek will he guide in judgment: and the meek will he teach his way.
Psalms 25:9

Some people have very bad and unrealistic opinion about marriage. This opinion is based on their family background, where they live and grow and kind of friends they move with.

A boy who sees his father always beating or insulting his mother is likely to believe that’s the normal thing and see any female including the one he will marry to be a treated same way. A lady in such house will see every man as a monster and think marriage is a slave trade. Hence, have negative attitude towards marriage.

And a lady who knows concubine of his mother is likely to believe one man can’t be enough for her and she should have as many men as possible for her to make herself feel on top of the world. A boy in such house will see his father as been incompetent and think he has to be very hard on his wife when he marry. This has created a damaged set of children with negative opinion about marriage.

They also said someone from a broken home is likely to build a home which will also break. I don’t usually like this opinion but looking at all the facts it seems to be very likely except for some who choose to be deliberate about it and go to God to recreate them and change their ideology and heal their wounds.

Did you know some come from good family but kind of friends they keep break them. A lady who have had different heartbreak with the guys may conclude all guys are evil while the one who have had bad times with ladies will think all ladies are evil and may influence anyone who comes close to them.

Your attitude to marriage will tell God if you are ready for the union and as long as he see that you haven’t think positively about the possibility of success of the union he will leave you in your idea until you change it.

I don’t know what you might have passed through but you must be deliberate about your marriage. Belief you will enjoy it. Maybe you have had different heartbreak believe that you will have a successful one next time. If you fall and refuse to stand then how will you move on to your success?

Maybe you are from an unsettled home, have the attitude of making your own work. Have the believe that you can make your marriage stand out and serve as examples to other.

Remember your attitude concerning marriage will determine your altitude in the marriage!

2. Attitude towards yourself

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Cor. 5:17

But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. 2 Cor. 3:18

I wonder how some people carry themselves these days. Maybe because of what they have passed through they count themselves to be almost nothing. They look down on themselves and accept anything.

You wonder how some individuals endure toxic relationship maybe because of what they have passed through before or age is not on their side especially for females who are getting older.

Please know that there is difference between having normal self-esteem and arrogance. It is a fact that friendship or even relationship have different adjustments here and there but when it gets to violence and assault and all that then actions must be taken.

From the Bible passage above you are the image of God and I don’t think God will accept been treated anyhow. So how come you his image is allowing yourself to be treated poorly by anyone?

You need to understand your worth and never allow to be treated poorly by anyone. Be a person who knows his/her worth and do not take compromise.

There was a discussion going on in a group and a person said once ladies are becoming 30 and above they relax some of their ideology and accept any guy that come their way even if they are maltreated. This is very wrong and one who is waiting for God to match her with the right partner should never allow this trend to happen to their life.

Be a person who knows his/her worth at any situation at any time! Meanwhile don’t call yourself what you are not. Be sincere with yourself. If you deceive people to live happy life you might be on the receiving end at other times!

3. Relationship with others

Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus. Philippians 2:4‭-‬5.

I have been in places where I saw young men misbehave and my submission was which kind of lady will marry this kind of person. Same with ladies displaying very bad attitude which should not be seen in a reasonable human.

We need to have positive attitude to others. Because I wonder if people suddenly grow some behaviors. People have been with their attitude from their singlehood which they will carry to their marriage.

It is what you have build while you are single that you will take to marriage. Be considerate with people when you are single and also be sensitive with how you deal with people because even while been considerate people can be dangerous therefore you must be careful as you deal with people.

Learn to appreciate little things people do for you. Some people can belittle things until you do mighty things for them. If you are among those people you are not having the attitude that set you ready to be matched with your partner by God.

If you don’t have good attitude to human you can see how can you have good attitude to God? Work on your human relationships!

4. Attitude towards your parents

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. Ephesians 6:1‭-‬3

Some will think again how does parent come into this picture now but studying the law of Moses you will notice that the issue of honouring parent is the first that comes with promise.

Some will say which parent? Those that are not good example? Those that have done bad things to you? Those that have done this and that. I quite understand your bitterness, anger or hatred but word of God will never come down to meet you but you must go up to meet it.

It is fact that you might not agree with them on many grounds but you must not become rude and disrespectful in the process. You must still give them their own respect as requested by your maker.

I know a friend whose father especially have not been doing well with. The father doesn’t provided many necessities he needs right from primary school to university. In fact the father call him mistake child because the immediate senior brother is Six years older than him and then the father never expect another child again. This makes him not to cater for him early except what the mother did.

He has made very different decisions on what to do and how to treat the father but recent talks and discussion with him has made him relax some previous decisions because he has realized it is the commands in God to honour the parents irrespective of their flaws. Even if he will disagree with them if must still be respectfully.

Honour your father and mother to your days may be long!

When you exhibit this attitude either as male or female God will see you are ready for the right person God has prepared for you. Do not digress from having any of this attitude so you won’t miss your place in the plan of God.

As you work on these attitudes plans of God shall come to pass in your life. Amen

To be continued!

Categories
Christianity Faith Grace Holy Spirit prayer

SONS OF ELI

Hannah has been going to Shiloh for years to ask God for blessing of children but in futility which means something is missing! The blessing and stamp of the prophet God has anointed to oversee the affairs of the tabernacle that is Eli but the year Eli pronounce peace and answer to her prayers she got favoured by the Lord. This could mean that Eli was an authentic servant of God recognized and certified by him.

Eli had two son (Hophni and Phinehas) whom by default has the privilege to be the prophets after their father passed on but were scornful in nature. They perform all forms of sacrilege and sin against the Lord. Their father warned them but they refused to listen because the Lord has hardened their heart to be stubborn just like that of Pharaoh.

I equally noticed in the passage that nothing was said about their mothers presence in their life at all. If she was dead her place is highly missed in their life but if she is alive she doesn’t perform her role well enough.

This makes it clear that the evil we are seeing now has been an age long problem as these sons must have done many other things but not mentioned in the scriptures such as rape since they are already seducing the servants at the tabernacle.

But where do they miss it? What went wrong? They were expected to bring joy to the name of their father but they rather brought shame. The priesthood was taken away from their lineage due to their vileness. They ought to be the sons of the most high but rather choose to be the sons of Belial.

I will first say, even if their mother was dead and Eli was the only person there for them he didn’t do the job well enough. Of course the scriptures told us he warned them but it sound more like soft warning which the children doesn’t yield to. Even when he got the message that the position will be taken away from his family and his children will die he just said the Lord should do as he please. I can observe here a man who just pamper the sons. He was not firm enough and discipline them appropriately so they won’t anger the Lord and cause his family shame.

However, if their mother was alive and she did not play any role then she really failed in her responsibility. There was probability that Hannah was prophesying positivity into Samuel’s life right from the womb till she was done weaning the child. Hannah could make good decision which helps Samuel but mother of Eli sons was no where to be found.

Possibly it was the plan of God that was playing out on them since Samuel is a promise child. Judas was a good follower of Christ too but when his love for money overcame him he went the wrong way so the negative side of the prophecy got fulfilled through him. Maybe, Samuel could not have achieve his purpose if they never misbehave.

And also the sons are just so stubborn, hardened and refuse to hear the warning of their father. They are arrogant and have regard for no one. Possibly Eli did not follow the word of the Lord that says train your child the way he should go and when he grows he will not depart. He over pampered them, he turned them to young Lords in the temple and doesn’t allow anyone to correct them (like some minsters do today) when they started taking the wrong path.

I can see many sons going this way and affected by many of the reasons that made the sons of Eli get it wrong. Their mother was no where to be found as they are busy with career and the fathers too are getting tired of been stern because they don’t want the children to be scared of them so they don’t take necessary actions when things are going wrong. I can also see this generation of boys becoming so arrogant and unyielding to corrections by elderly people, they belief they know it all and knowledge of the elderly is archaic. Meanwhile, it seems some are misbehaving because of the actions of their parents whose curse has fall on them.

Samuel was the glory that covered the shame behind Hannah’s story. He was a child born at due season.

The Hophni and Phinehas took Eli as their DAD while Samuel took him as a Father.

To the parents are you raising Eli sons? Are you too busy to take care of your Children spiritual and moral life just like Eli who was busy up and down watching over other life’s as a prophet in the tabernacle while his own children stinks.

To the children, are you the new generation of Eli sons? Watch your ways and stay in the right path with the Lord so you can have the blessings of the Lord, rejoice in the abundance of his grace and not bring curse upon your generations unborn.

You must know that refusal to yield to correction and warning does not change Gods status he would Rather replace you with the least person you expected (small Samuel, compared to grown and matured Elis sons) and they will do the work very well with Glad heart more than the little you could have done as though you own yourself.

Choose your path right so you won’t regret your actions.

WRITTEN BY: MY COUNSEL AND ROMIY

Categories
Christianity Intelligence Marriage Relationship wisdom

Who Should Apologize?

Marriage they say is a dynamic union as one can’t be compared with others. The state of parent marriage can’t be inherited by children either good or bad which means each individual going into the union has the responsibility to make their own work. But should these things be known when one already enter or before? I believe it’s better to know before entering!

If friendship and courtship can come with many disagreement, no gain saying there will be same or worse in marriage if not managed properly. Therefore, don’t think you trust him or her because you are likely to see new personality on that perfectionists of yours. But when this happen who should take the lead to break the ice and bring normalcy to the house?

Some will say the man should do so because he is the man and has to treat the woman gently while some will say the woman should be the one because the husband is the head of the family. So who should we believe now? Sincerely blindly following any can cause cassala in the home!

There is also this idea that couples should not bother discussing the issues of differences but just apologize and move on with their union! I have found this to cause log of bitterness and hatred among couples. Those bitterness just keep pilling until one can’t take it again and bust out.

If that’s the case then there is a major deficiency in the initial method of doing things and some other ways of handling such issues should be explored.

As much as peace is the lasting goal of every home human imperfections can try to distort that then I think it’s better to speak about those imperfections!

The man use the toilet and doesn’t flush or close it then don’t just squeeze your eyes around the house and expect him to notice your displeasure, please tell him!

If you are dying within you with house chores and you think he should help you with some, don’t expect him to read your mind because he won’t. Just discuss it with him!

You expect her to get your food ready but for one reason or the other you are not aware of she couldn’t and you rush out like masquerade, please calm down and speak with her about it.

She is putting too much pressure on you when you expect her to understand you, don’t just bring up attitudes but rather speak with her about it.

Speaking to your partner should not look confrontational in nature but with courtesy, wisdom and love. Explain your challenges and don’t dictate what the partner should do but how they can help you. Shebi that’s the whole essence of the union.

What you both want is peace and tranquility in the home but if you are dying silently while the partner think everything is going fine. They will continue to live like everything is normal while nothing is normal to you. Please speak out before it goes out of hand.

Speaking might increase the heat at first but when both parties understand the issue under consideration they will also reason along with you and join in the quest for peace.

Please am assuming your partner is a human in the first place!

Maybe you are married and you have been keeping the displeasure please give your spouse a nice treat then call him or her and have heart to heart discussion to settle your displeasures. But you think how is this important to you since you are single? It is better you have knowledge of this ahead so you can know things you should do when the snake of grudges raise it ugly head.

Marriage is a blessing from the Lord and you should enjoy it! Have a blissful union!

WRITTEN BY: MY COUNSEL

Categories
Christianity Marriage Relationship

WARNING SIGNALS 2

Of course, many says every marriage have there own challenges but I always wonder how some marriage turn to war zone that goes out of hands. I doubt many of those things that happens and cause troubles in the family start after marriage. In continuation of first series of this write up let’s look at few other warning signals.

Selfishness
A selfish partner in relationship is a deadly person in marriage. If all he/she is interested in is things that benefit him/her he/she will cause you trouble. All she want is you should take him out even when you make her understand your financial stand. Beware! Am sure you know most ladies don’t like just going out just for talking sake.

Your income is just 20k and you have explained how you intend to invest it so you can stand on your own but she wouldn’t want to believe you, then you might be in danger when you earn more than that. Or what can we say about a Corps member earning just 19800 and his supposed fiance want him to be sending money to her monthly! Is he your father?

Brothers hear me o. If you use anything to attract a lady so you can marry her you won’t have option but to keep doing that when you marry her and you are at danger because once someone offers something better you can be left behind!

However, if you are with the brother who does not want to hear or see anything male beside you again then you might be entering bondage by choice. If he has to screen your contact and movement to know if you are faithful, you are with a man that is not secured and marriage won’t heal that sickness.

Sisters hear me. Don’t be carried away with what men give you in relationship. It’s good they give and can be a bad signal if they have and doesn’t care about you but if it is the basis for your choice you might not be making the right decision!

While I was in school I heard so many stories
How some guys will borrow things that belong to their friends just to entice the lady and do what they want. How they borrow just to get the ladies attention and do as they like
Don’t let guys deceive you with anything. Maybe position and all sorts.

There is a guy I know. When he never enter any higher institution he was dating ladies in 300 level and even higher level. Did you know how he is doing it? He will tell them he is doing masters or even PhD. Many ladies are carried away with positions but hope you know it’s not a guarantee for happy home or good husband!
Only selfishness can make such ladies fall like that because they must have count their prospective gains A selfish partner now can be a deadly spouse later. Watch it.

Irresponsibility
This can be in many ways. Sisters please listen. A man you go to with your plans and just say he has nothing to say is irresponsible! I use to say everything is not about money. Even if he doesn’t have financial ability to support you he should be able to support you with sound advice in achieving your goals.

A man who seems not to want you have your freedom is not responsible!

A man who become suddenly sad when you break the news of how well you are doing in your endeavour will frustrate your efforts when you enter his house. He is not responsible!
And you see some ladies who also think supporting their partner is not their business.

Someone said the role of submission and support given to women is only when they become wife but do they just develop it when they wear the white gown and say I do in front of alter? I doubt it works like that. A lady that found it stressful to support you now in relationship will become headache when she is compelled to do it because of marriage!

Marriage should not force people to do things but be an avenue to do it better! Or can we say the role of love given to the men is also until they marry the lady? So what are they using to carry on the relationship? A man that doesn’t show love in courtship won’t just pluck it on the tree while going home from reception o, don’t be deceived.

Downgrading
I was in a place and a guy was making jest of his lady with his friends right in front of her! I don’t know if you people understand! Laughing at her for something she did. A guy that make jest of you to his friends will arrange people to molest you if care is not taking!

I heard the story of a man whose junior brother and mother came to beat his wife at home and he doesn’t do anything about it! My question is how did they get to that point in the first place if not that she has been ridiculed to them.
A man who can’t defend you will make you cry. Please get sense! I doubt this start just when they marry. Ladies please don’t be blind with love o!

And ladies are fun of doing amebo about each other relationships! Please don’t do Amebo about your relationship with any friends! Don’t be surprised some of your friends want that guy you are speaking bad about.

He invite you to eatery and you carry four friends. Why na, did he call family meeting? Your time with your fiancee is between just two of you not family and friends meeting. If you know you don’t have anything for him don’t say you will eat your own before it will stock your neck o!

Unapologetic partner
It’s not out of place that one person offend the other since they are not angel but when that happens it is not out of place to apologise. This is not gender matter. We talk about pride last week, anyone can apologize first to make peace in the relationship.

What I observed in If it is a man that has such attitude they become royal majesty in the house when they marry whose statement can’t be questioned by anyone. They give decree! And if it’s the lady, when she marry she will believe she can do anything and won’t be ready to adjust. It’s such a bad attitude to have as a person and must be erased for anyone that really have intention to go higher in life even outside marriage matter.

We have been able to learn from few warning signals and am sure there are many more but why do people enter such marriage nevertheless? Of course it is rational to think they will just get off if it seems things are not working but people enter such marriage anyway.

This has lead to many stories that touch the heart in different marriage! Some men kill their wife while some wife kill their husband. Some men ran away from house without any of where they are because of what they are passing through in their marriage.

Therefore, we will start on factors making people ignore warning signals Next Week. I pray God help us take this things to heart as we learn then in Jesus name.

You can share more warning signals you think should be looked out for in relationship to help each other. Thanks for reading.